The United States’ Semiquincentennial is coming up—250 years, baby! Let’s party!
To celebrate, the Great American State Fair will be popping up on the National Mall, and you know that the music is gonna be tight. Let’s see who’s lined up so far:
Martina McBride – June 25
C+C Music Factory – June 26
Milli Vanilli – June 26
Vanilla Ice – June 26
Young MC – June 26
Commodores – June 27
Morris Day & The Time – June 27
Flo Rida – July 2
Bret Michaels – July 3
Well, it’s certainly no Turning Point USA alternative halftime show, but we’ll just have to make do, won’t we?
By this point, there’s no reason to extend any grace to anyone who chooses to perform at anything Trump-related. Even the normiest of normies can’t credibly say that they just have no idea what the guy is up to.
But this lineup looks a lot more like “artists who get booked for the county fair and casino circuit in the summer” than hardcore MAGA types. Well, with one exception. We’ll get to you later, Mr. Ice.
Honestly, Martina McBride, how dare you? We thought you knew better. You are hereby sentenced to repeated spins of “Independence Day,” your own damn song, until you come to your senses.
Everyone showing up on June 26 is part of the “I Love the ‘90s” tour, which is a sad nostalgia trap that has been going on since 2016 with rotating past-their-prime participants. And these four? Extremely past their prime.
C+C Music Factory has been down a “C” for more than 30 years, as David Cole passed away in 1995. Their biggest hit, “Gonna Make You Sweat”—while an absolute banger—is mostly famous for having a thinner, younger singer lip sync vocals that were actually performed by powerhouse soul singer Martha Wash.
The other “C” is no longer part of the Factory either. So if you head to the National Mall, you’re just getting Freedom Williams, the group’s objectively terrible rapper.
Milli Vanilli is also down a member, as Rob Pilatus died in 1998. The dude who actually sang the duo’s songs, John Davis, died in 2021. But somehow, half of a duo that is (in)famous for not singing their own songs is a big concert draw?
As for Young MC … dude, you kinda peaked in 1989 and are now nearly 60 years old. But to be fair, “Know How” still slaps.
Where other folks on this bill are likely just looking to get paid, Vanilla Ice is no doubt here because he wants to be. He performed at Mar-a-Lago for New Year’s Eve in 2025, leading the very worst people you know in a rousing chorus of “Ice, Ice Baby.”
But that wasn’t even Ice’s first or second Mar-a-Lago New Year’s appearance. The dude just can’t get enough of Donald Trump.
Anyone who comes to see the Commodores might be sad to find out that Lionel Ritchie hasn’t been with the band for years, but hell, even the people who stayed on after he departed for solo superstardom are also gone. There’s just one original guy now, along with the sons of some other original members.
What is Morris Day doing here? Man, Prince was right to always be just a bit wary of you.WAIT. Stop the presses. Per Morris Day himself, “Contrary To Rumor, Morris Day & The Time Will Not Be Perfoming [sic] At The ‘GREAT AMERICAN STATE FAIR.’”
Look, it seems pretty unlikely that Day’s appearance was just a rumor or a mix-up and far more likely that he took enough heat to decide this was not at all worth it. But we should always reinforce and encourage good behavior, so congrats to Mr. Day.
Compared to others on the bill, Flo Rida is positively happening. Sure, he hasn’t dropped a full album since 2012 and only manages to roll out a single or two here and there, but with “Low” charting in 2009, he’s the freshest act here.
Honestly, unless T-Pain is here to sing about them apple-bottom jeans and the boots with the fur, why bother?
Bret Michaels! The winner of “Celebrity Apprentice” is still probably at least low-key MAGA, but he also probably needs the cash. Over/under on how many Poison songs he’ll sing instead of his absolutely forgettable solo material?
This low-rent has-been festival will fit in so well with the tacky UFC fighting ring that is beginning to desecrate the Washington skyline, all so Trump can watch some big boys fight on his birthday.
How about a Ferris wheel? Tacky, right? Okay, how about a patriotic Ferris wheel? It’s the Freedom 250 Wheel, and it’s going to be plopped onto the National Mall like the back lot of a county fair.
You’d think that since this whole Freedom 250 thing was basically being bribe-financed, they could land actual performers, but you’d be wrong. No one who isn’t desperate for cash or fully MAGA is going to sign on. Poor right-wingers have a distinct dearth of musicians who agree with them.
Speaking of MAGA musicians—where’s Kid Rock? Maybe he’s a surprise for later? We’re being promised—well, threatened, really—with more to-be-announced artists which may or may not line up with the themes for each day.
Maybe MAHA Monday will bring us Kid Rock. We can only hope.
Published with permission of Daily Kos
UPDATE: Martina McBride will not be performing.