WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Representative Devin Nunes has announced that he is leaving Congress to run Donald J. Trump’s media company in the idiotic belief that Trump will pay him.
As news broke of Nunes’s decision, thousands of venders who have waited decades for Trump to pay them expressed bafflement that the California congressman would make such a boneheaded career move.
“It’s inconceivable to me that he thinks he will get paid,” Carol Foyler, one of the unremunerated venders, said. “Has he even Googled Trump?”
As Nunes packed his bags, his soon-to-be-former colleagues in Congress celebrated his departure into the wee hours of the morning.
Representative Adam Schiff, however, sounded a cautious note. “It’s essential that Devin not find out that he won’t get paid,” Schiff said. “He might change his mind and stay here.”