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Scottish men have already won the World Cup

June 24, 2026
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Scottish men have already won the World Cup
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Whether or not Scotland prevails in the World Cup’s official capacity as a football tournament, the country began winning almost as soon as an estimated 50,000 fans from abroad, known as the Tartan Army, arrived in Boston for the country’s first two matches. Wearing kilts and bearing bagpipes, the Scots marched, chanted, romanced the lasses, cheerfully drained the city of its beer, and were so conscientious about cleaning up after their revelries that, as one city worker commented, they made his job easier than the locals do.

Perhaps just as important is that the Tartan Army’s presence can’t help but feel like a rebuttal to the cartoon masculinity here at home. Yes, its kilted, face-painted, bagpipe-toting members can resemble cartoons themselves, but all available reports confirm that the Tartan Army’s humor, humanity and ability to treat women like regular people are as abundant as its capacity for drink.

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That the Scots showed up the natives in both alcohol consumption and good manners came as no surprise to Daniel Euan Henderson, a Glasgow-based content creator known as Daniel the Scotsman. Following his countrymen from afar, Henderson predicts a “Hot Scot Summer” and is openly rooting for a World Cup baby boom. (He’s already coined the term “Boston Bairns” for the crop of wee ones he expects the city to see 9 months from now.)

One recent video from Henderson explained what Scottish men have over their American counterparts with an anecdote about the time he watched as a young man hit on two young women in an unnamed U.S. bar. The guy’s small talk was pretty standard, he recalls, but when the women declined to accompany him to another bar, “The switch-up was insane.” In a perfect approximation of a dudebro voice, Henderson says, “He was like, ‘Oh my god, why do you guys have to be such bit*hes? Why are you so stuck up like that, bro?’ Any guy saying that to a girl in a bar in Scotland would be kicked out immediately and maybe even battered a wee bit. Because that is just unacceptable.”

The comments from women in Boston concurred. “The Scottish men I ran into in Boston were SO respectful and nice that it actually made me remember what it’s like to not have to be my own bouncer in public,” read one. Another called it “bewilderingly nice” to hang with Scots, noting, “Even when they were drunk they were nice, not smarmy.” The Tartan Army has arrived in Miami for the team’s match against Brazil, and its charm offensive appears to be going strong. Whether or not they collectively impact the birth rate American men have been wringing their hands over for years, they’ve brought something important to us — a chance to joyfully marinate in a masculinity that doesn’t equate subjugation with strength.

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